Family and Friends

Today just sitting thinking how lucky I have been with the family that I married into. Sure like any family you have your ups and downs, but for the most part I enjoy being a part of it. It does make me sad sometimes too, Knowing that I cannot have the same relationship with my own blood family. I have wonderful friends that I try to keep contact with and enjoy when I am able to spend time catching up.

My wife has a fun family. You have her oldest brother, who when is around is making everyone laugh. You have the next brother that is a little more reserved, at home type of guy. You have her sister that is sometimes too serious and needs to relax a little. Then there is the youngest brother. He is the shy one, the one you want to take under your arms and help out, and then want to smack him at the same time. We all have our own unique qualities in our family and I wish all the best in this family. Lisa's mom is and has been a mother to me since 2000. She is so kindhearted and will give you the shirt off her back. She makes me laugh, she makes me mad, but most of all she makes me feel like her son. Just wanted to say thank you for the wonderful family that I have.

My family you have the oldest that doesn't get it. The second oldest that is unsure of himself and always in his own world, not that I blame him. The next in line is the one that is kind but hard, the one that knows it all, but doesn't. Don't get me wrong but at times he is just an ass. Love him but still. There is me and you can judge for yourself. And the little sister. I wish I could write more about her but have not spent that much time around to know. My dad is nowhere in the picture and I really wish I could say I could care less, but in reality, Who doesn't want that special time and need. My mom has always wanted the best for us, but grew up in a hard way. I don't blame her for being who she is I just wish she would try to accept things as they are.

I have very few friends. Most by choice. I have my best friend who moved from Chicago to Colorado. Every time we spend time around each other it is just plain good times. Watching movies, laughing, and just spending time with each other. I have another great friend in Idaho. I have not seen him in over 13 years but it is still amazing that we can catch up with each other through phone or internet. I would like to see him more and talk more because I think with all my friends we have a different bond.

So you can see that I am all over the place with this blog, but I wanted to share my feelings to the people I care about. I do think of them on a daily basis. Whether for a second or 10 minutes I still think of all these people every day. Good or bad, I still think about these people everyday. Just want you all to know I love you.

Rocks in my pocket are better than rocks in my hand.

When I was in high school we had an assembly about self esteem. The guy continued to talk about if you put all the negative words into rocks, then put them into someone's pack, how heavy would that bag be? It must have meant something to me because I still remember that talk. I understood the deep impact that can have on someone. Yes, I still have thrown my share of rocks. I am not saying that I am proud of that, It is just the human way.

Sometimes I just want to take a rock and throw it as hard as I can at different people. Especially at those that have hurt my children. Social Services has not helped out our little Lovebug. When all was good the case was left opened. When things seemed to start to fall apart at the seams for Lovebug's Bio mom, "We need to close the case because Bio mom is doing everything she needs too." As far as I am concerned that is a pretty shitty thing to do. When someone is in need of help don't find an excuse to let them go in the most vulnerable state. You should hold their hand and walk them through if they are not strong enough to do so on their own.

So with that said, I won't throw anymore rocks. I will put them in my pocket and pray that our Lovebug will come back to us where her home will be her safety net. Where she doesn't have to ask is this my room? Where are my toys? Is this my bed? We will be here for her when she comes home to us. I believe that she will come back but for how long. I am hopeful that we can be the pillar for her castle.  

Time to clean

Listening to some tunes just sitting here thinking about a few things. I like to think of myself as a nice person. I try to do things for people without expectations.

So with that said, I have deleted some people off of my facebook. Not that I dislike or haven't gotten along with them, It's just that I don't have much in common with some of them. I want the rest of my friends on facebook know that I am just cleaning things out. Why be a friend with someone that just sends you requests for farmville or some other game that you don't play. I know that I should probably be deleted by some of you because lets face it, I really haven't talked to you for a while. I am, and have been, fighting a bigger fight as of late. Again, those of you that know me, know what I am talking about.

I believe in what I am doing is the best for me. There are things in life that are in my control and things that are out of my hands. I do hope that in time my heart heals with hope.

Wow, kind of wondered off the subject for a minute. I must have written another paragraph and realized that I made no sense. With that said, I will end this blog for now. Until next time.

Missing you today!

As I sit here today waiting for something to happen, I think of our lovebug. She has meant so much to me and my wife. She has given us hope when all was gone. She has given us our smiles back when we cried for so many years. She has given us reason to be strong when we were weak. Can you believe that one little girl can make so much difference in someones life?
As I write this I find myself crying and I don't care who knows. That is a gift of a daughter that loves you. I will miss you when you are away, but I will be here when you come back. I love you, I love you , I love you.